"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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