somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
