The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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