I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize