You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
