so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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