you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
