I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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