Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
