I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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