Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
