i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.