Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
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Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
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So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.