Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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