I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy