At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma