I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
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This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
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I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash