I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The air taste purple.
Randomize
