I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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