Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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