i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
