The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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