He disabled his match.com account in front of me
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
