When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your penis caused this!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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