is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
