Where did you get a picture of my penis
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
