Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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