is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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