girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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