i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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