Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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