i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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