meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
