I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
