does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
