I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
