I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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