I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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