During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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