I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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