drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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