I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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