before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
