K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
