We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize