I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
