She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and she was petting her beer can
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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