I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You took a bar mat shot.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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