Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
you will always have a special place in my vag
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
