He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
