you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
