I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
