you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
