They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm just crazy horny about you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I need to sanitize my soul.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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