All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
