I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
