she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
