chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
