you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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