I'm lost and stupid without you.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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