I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
