I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
