Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
