It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
