Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
