I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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