You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
