No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize