I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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