Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
