I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
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