Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
