Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i came on her dog
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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