in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
