Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
