I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
